


i feel like i'm the worst (so i act like i'm the best)

by cubfawns



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: ''oh no'' by marina and the diamonds, Bad Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, Narcissism, Parent Sam | Awesamdude, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Esteem Issues, first fic !, sam and tubbo trying their best, title is from a song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:48:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29067543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cubfawns/pseuds/cubfawns
Summary: tommy fights with himself. tubbo & sam help.yeah i suck at summaries soz
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Sam | Awesamdude & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 228





	i feel like i'm the worst (so i act like i'm the best)

as much as tommy talks high about himself, he also can't help but hate himself. he knows phil views him as nothing as a disappointment, yet for some reason he still refers to tommy as his son.

what bullshit. 

tommy loathes himself, wondering what happened. he was only 16 and had been through multiple wars, had watched his closest friend, one of the few people who actually cared about how he felt burn in a fury of sparks. manipulated by a chaos bringer, and completely excused as someone who lacks sympathy.

the only way tommy can cope is to act like he isn't hurt. like he does not give a shit about what people say about him, and puts them down as weak. when, in reality he is the weak one. he is hurt.

tommy stares at himself in the reflection of the lake. what if he was like technoblade? what if he knew combat like the back of his hand and could actually make sensible decisions? what if he hadn't gone completely out of his way to help his brother build an entire nation, only to watch it fall apart? tommy knows who he wants to be, but can't achieve it. he thinks about his discs, how these simple objects were his possessions, and how they had possessed him. he doesn't know how to feel. he is simply like an idle teen. 

a few days pass and tubbo and sam talk to tommy, asking how he is feeling. tommy's immediate response is ''i'm fine of course''. but they all know it isn't true. ''tommy'' sam speaks with a stern but tenderly tone ''me and tubbo...know you're not well''. tommy feels anxiety rise up in him as shifts uncomfortably ''not well? what isn't well about me? i'm great!'' tubbo sighs ''see this is the thing. every time we try to get you to open up, you play it down and rise yourself up. you can't keep doing this tommy. it's unhealthy.'' 

[ TW/ mental breakdown ]  
tommy can feel the tears pricking at the inner corner of his eyes. he looks between tubbo and sam who are staring at him waiting for a response. they get one..in the form of a breakdown.  
sam pulls tommy into a comforting hug while tubbo tells tommy its okay. he sobs and sobs, trying to make words get out but they get caught in his throat. he's probably soaking sams sweatshirt but that isn't what matters. ''tommy it's okay. we're right here. you can talk to us when you're ready. just breathe right now'' sams voice comforted tommy more than phil's ever had. tommy swallows, trying to speak ''i-i don't- i- can't breathe-'' tubbo rubs comfort circles on tommy's back, a few of his own tears falling down.

eventually, tommy's breathing begins going back to a normal pace and tears aren't leaking from his eyes. he begins to speak again ''i'm s-sorry. i don't like who i am. and the only way i can myself up is to act like i'm better than who i really am''. 

[break down over <3]  
''it's okay tommy. why do you think we're here?'' sam tells, hugging tommy a bit tighter. ''forget phil, even if he is sorry about what he is done, he clearly isn't a fit parental figure for you.'' tommy isn't sure if he wants to let go of phil, but memories of being neglected by him push those sad feelings down as he forms a small smile

''okay...thank you, dad.''

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic & i'm not really that good at writing angst but uhh i hope this was good enough : )  
> please no hate in the comments <3


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